|
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
| |
Winner: Snow White's Hissy Fit
By Catherine Procter
Snow White, as the fairytale says, got married and lived happily ever after. Sounds simple, doesn't it? But, as any one who has ever gotten married knows, organising a wedding is a lot more trouble than can ever be expressed in one sentence. And if it's that much bother for what we could call, if you'll excuse the phrase, a common or garden bride, just imagine what it is like to organise a Royal Wedding. It had all become such trouble that Snow White almost missed living with the dwarves. What, you thought she was happy there, did you? Well she was fond enough of the dwarves themselves, and it was certainly better than being murdered by the wicked stepmother. But can you imagine how dirty the clothes were of seven people who worked in a mine, and tramped home through the forest mud afterwards? Or how much muck they brought into the house? Not to mention the cooking and washing up. And all that without any washing machine, vacuum cleaner or dishwasher? Oh yes, you may have a romantic view of Snow White's idyllic forest life, but most of it was sheer drudgery. Anyway, I have digressed; we were talking about the wedding, weren't we?
Of course, when you organise a wedding, it's not just the bride and groom who do the planning – parents, friends, aunts, uncles – they all have an opinion about what should be happening. If you also have to factor in Royal Protocol and Tradition, the bride hardly gets a say at all. The Queen was determined to have the whole day organised just to her liking. She believed that Snow White was so lucky to be marrying her beloved son, that nothing else should matter to her, whereas Snow White didn't see why she couldn't have exactly what she wanted on her wedding day. Both, of course, were used to having their own way. A Queen naturally gets her own way, and Snow White may have had to work hard with the dwarves, but she certainly ruled the roost in that little cottage. So when Snow and the Queen met with the florist, the caterer or the stationery designer, there was an enormous, but polite battle of wills. The Queen hinted that Snow wasn't used to fine style, that although she was very beautiful, she was really just a forest dwelling peasant girl. Snow White gently dropped into the conversation that she was born a Princess. The Queen wasn't (and Snow White knew it!), so you can imagine how well this went down.
The biggest disagreement in the organisation of the wedding didn't happen with the Queen, but with the Royal Wardrobe Master, Sir Hugo Fussington-Stitch, who had responsibility for Snow White's trousseau. Initially the meetings between Snow and Sir Hugo went well, as Snow White had been wearing the same dress all the time she had lived with the dwarves, and was so delighted to be getting a beautiful new wardrobe of designer clothes that she didn't really mind what she wore. The wedding dress design was agreed on without a cross word exchanged. Then one day, Snow White went to meet him, straight from another difficult meeting with the Queen, in which they had clashed over the music for the ceremony. On that day, Sir Hugo showed Snow White drawings of an elegant floor-length coat, "In your signature colour, white, of course". He went on to suggest that he design a new coat every year, so she would always have the very latest cut — but always in white. This idea was well received by Snow White, despite her bad mood, until he mentioned that it would be made of ermine. She jumped up, seized the designs, and ripped them to shreds. "I do not wear fur! How could I when the creatures of the forest were my friends?" And she stormed off. Now I don't know whether Snow White was sincere about this, or just felt a need to make herself heard that day. Certainly she did make friends with the forest creatures, but on the other hand she had a pet deer and was still partial to a nice joint of venison, so you must draw your own conclusions.
The next day Snow White informed Sir Hugo that she would make her own coat, and she would, in fact knit it. She showed him her designs for a floor-length coat, and a big bag of Rowan Pure Wool DK. The design was beautiful, with an elegant flared shape and wide sleeves. The bottom and the sleeves had a wide patterned border, in which snowflakes were knitted into the texture, using moss stitch in the stocking stitch background.
A fine coat? Well yes, it would have been, if Snow White had ever knitted it. Unfortunately, the most knitting Snow had ever managed was a few very oddly shaped dishcloths. And it took her a month to finish one of them. But this isn't "What did Snow White knit?", but rather "What would Snow White knit?". And this is what she would knit, if she could. But she can't, so they eventually reached a compromise with some good quality fake fur.
And then Snow White and the Prince got married and lived happily after, because the Prince was an easygoing young man who let Snow White have her own way most of the time. Maybe she will learn to knit when there are baby clothes to make. It might be better for her to start with something small.
The End
|
|
|
|
|
|
